1. |
Sungazer
03:02
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It won’t happen like you think
It will happen in the blink
Of an eye
Catch you by surprise
It won’t happen like you think
I’m not ready
I was spinning in circles
Staring at the sun
Refused to sing
My mourning song
Inject my veins
Lay me embalmed
Blinded myself
To my own loss
It won’t happen like you think
It will happen in the blink
Of an eye
Catch you by surprise
It won’t happen like you think
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2. |
Conjure
03:48
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If I live long enough to live
As long as I have again
I’ll write it in a paperback
Call it “There & Back Again”
A wink at the fable
Of mountains and magic
Not all that far off from
A life spent in transit
Some words on the wilderness
From a failed high school poet
With half written metaphors
To buffer the sadness
Erase the names
Sub out the date
Blur out the passage
Those years in the forest
When I foraged and forged my own truth
Conjure a ghost I once knew
These days it’s uncertain I’ll ever leave Michigan
Been bound by a spell or some incantation
I gaze in the absence from a park bench near a campus
With eyes still wide open
I channel and I drift
To a place through the evergreens
Out in the morning breeze
My breath in the air
The dark wood before me
Somewhere in the firmament
Or how I imagine it
The crunching of snow summons me to the present view
Conjure a ghost I once knew
It was you
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3. |
The Checkout Line
02:30
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Feel like a zombie on the dayshift
With an autopilot
Recite obligatory pleasantries
For the checkout line
Now, there’s some pictures that I didn’t take
There’s others I can’t find
But in either case
It’s eating me alive
I’ll go back to
Weeks spent in my room
I’ve got it all down to a science
‘Cause I’ve done this a dozen times
I wish I would’ve called in sick
To give the grief some time to settle in
And as I run to the back room
I’m holding the tears from my eyes
This isn’t what you would’ve wanted
You would’ve been here laughing
You would’ve told me
“It’ll be alright
Just give it some time”
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4. |
Nearness (feat Ratboys)
03:47
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When I drive home
From your place
The distance stays the same
‘Cause I don’t know
How to construe
That stillness in your face
When I ask you if you’re alright
You swear that you’re okay
Is there something fermenting?
What is it?
I can’t say
I wish you could tell me
But I’m with you anyway
I miss you
I’ll wait for you
As long as it takes
Come on and cut through the curtain
And climb on through
Can I be closer to you?
When I walk in
To your room
You rerun everything
How your head spins
When you’re weakened
How your consciousness feels cruel
How your worries become unleashed
How your worst fears slowly brew
You cut the ugly parts from my brain
And you plant flowers that bloom
I wish I could change but
You’re with me anyway
Through distance
And in nearness
Through ordinary pain
Come on and cut through the curtain
And climb on through
Can I be closer to you?
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5. |
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Waiting for the dream to wear off
A writer on a bad trip directing the plot
Like vivid visions from an LSD drop
Our antihero is uncovering a fatal flaw
Folded hands, fingers crossed
Imagination does away with me
Replays distortions of the things I’ve seen
Projecting scenes from future histories
Feels like it’s really happening
I see
My old friends getting older without me
We’re breaking bonds that we swore we’d keep
A fabric from which my life was weaved
I see you reaching for a ripper
You’re coming for the seams
I had a vision of a faithful life
I watched it disappear before my eyes
Kept tradition of my family
Falling deep into a well of false realities
Two different dreams with a common theme
The demon on my chest guides me through my sleep
Whispers mantras in ear that my mind repeats
Till my deepest fears feel like a prophecy
Fast awake, wide asleep
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6. |
The Vessel Breaks
02:39
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Concrete to grass
I’m light on my heels
Jumped over the fence
Ran free in the fields
The flower I picked
Was a thistle that pricked
Said please leave me be
I’m not ready to leave
The last legs of summer
Bring the first leaves of fall
By nature I’m nurtured
In its grandeur made small
I found a weeping willow
Peeking out through its tears
I ran through the meadow
Sighed, for you weren’t near
I made friends with the livestock
Maybe weeks from the plate
Unknowing, they graze
So soon they’ll be slain
Like the farmer’s scythe
That takes what it takes
You see, the peace comes to visit
But never to stay
I drank from your cup
I ate from your plate
But the food never fills
The vessel still breaks
Still, I marvel at mercy
Of being offered a taste
Or a glimpse at the pasture
Fore night took it away
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7. |
A Quiet Truth
03:44
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Awoke to a smile
From the pillow next to my own
Misty morning eyes
Obscuring the morning light
A breeze brushes the curtains
Of your second floor apartment
I feel you slip out of bed
And into the day ahead
I love our little love
I love the voice you use with me
When the day is done
Our little love
Co-conspirators
Quiet confidants
Everyone’s got something to prove
In our social class where cynics rule
When my bitterness is bursting through
It’s lifted when I look to you
Like a lake at dusk
Calm and blue
Like the stillness
Of the afternoon
Contented being known by you
In the comfort of a quiet truth
I love our little love
I love the voice you use with me
When the day is done
Our little love
Co-conspirators
And quiet confidants
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8. |
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Maybe I loved you
Maybe you knew
As if I could hide it
As if I weren’t a fool
The way that I’d draw you pictures
And I’d sing you songs
Nights we’d go out dancing
Then you’d drop me off
Doesn’t everyone have someone
In the back of their mind?
Maybe it’s not overwhelming
Doesn’t keep them up at night
It’s that memory of innocence
Looking deep into their eyes
And wondering which one of you
Would dare to break the ice
One day I was over
And I met your dad
God, I was so nervous
Shaking his hand
Like the feeling I had when
I first asked you to dance
With a quiver in my voice
You couldn’t hear what I said
Doesn’t everyone have someone
In the back of their mind?
Maybe it’s not overwhelming
Doesn’t keep me up at night
It’s that memory of innocence
Looking deep into your eyes
And wondering which one of us
Would dare to break the ice
I still see you on that hillside
Or in the car you used to drive
Or at a southside park past midnight
With you laying by my side
And I too naïve to speak my mind
Doesn’t everyone have someone
In the back of their mind?
Well, I don’t know if I’ve been yours
But you always were mine
I wouldn’t trade the love
I’ve come to find
All these years down the line
But till then, it was you
In the back of my mind
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9. |
Prospects Of Hope
04:48
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I’ll pass the day at work
Dreaming of places I’ve been
Places I’ll go
I’ll write the plan in the notebook I carry
To visit the people I know
But it seems so distant
Almost like fiction
Still gridlocked between the two coasts
Was it me in the memory?
Passionate, naïve
Was it someone I lost on the road?
I know that someday is coming
So I’m waiting ‘round for the show
Somewhere lost in the shuffle
Of the workday and the status quo
Well, I’m burning at both ends
Slowly but surely
Still scouting for prospects of hope
‘Cause staying in place is better
Than just letting go
I’ll pass the day at home
Dreaming up ways to get by
Ways to beat broke
Dollars and decimals
Bank fees by criminals
Capit*l laughs at it’s joke
But I’ll put my back in
And I’ll get back in saddle
As that saying goes
Buy a house in the country
For my love and me
But we’ve still got years to go
I know that someday is coming
So I’m waiting ‘round for the show
Somewhere lost in the shuffle
Of the workday and the status quo
Well, I’m burning at both ends
Slowly but surely
Still scouting for prospects of hope
‘Cause staying in place is better
Than just letting go
It’s always too soon
Until it’s too late
Always seems too close to say
Well, I know that someday is coming
So I’m waiting ‘round for the show
Somewhere lost in the shuffle
Of the workday and the status quo
Well, I’m burning at both ends
Slowly but surely
Still scouting for prospects of hope
‘Cause staying in place is better
Than just letting go
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10. |
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When I find my way back
To the center of myself
The demon that sits on my chest
Will find its way back to its hell
And I will breathe
And I will sleep
Unburdened from the awful things
About myself it told to me
Try as I may to not believe
The way you sunk your claws in me
And glorified the suffering
By some sadistic tendency
In ritual of poisoning
The bitter fruit that now I reap
The broken cup I couldn’t drink
The sacrament I couldn’t keep
The elegy I couldn’t read
The sun I looked at for relief
Scorched my skin in mockery
Of innocence I couldn’t keep
That ordinary misery
So blessed be, o blessed be
The thistle and the evergreen
The pasture and the willow tree
Blessed be, o blessed be
That song of hope still echoing
My phantom pain still lingering
This place, this place I long to be
The center of own being
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Vagabonds Grand Rapids, Michigan
All hail the great Mitten.
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